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Teen Writers Critique Group

Teen Writers Critique Group


    Plot help - Spoilers inside

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    Mac
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    Posts : 607
    Join date : 2011-08-03
    Age : 20
    Location : North Korea

    Plot help - Spoilers inside

    Post by Mac on Mon Sep 19, 2011 7:43 pm

    Hi everyone,
    I need a bit of plot help. This has a BIG spoiler (it's in the next few chapters) so if you don't want to know, DON'T scroll down.











    OK. To put it short, I want Lauren to disappear. I'm not going to reveal more or it'll spoil the whole book. I'm not sure how to do it. In my original version, Lauren was at the cliff with Liam and she slipped off. With Liam feeling so guilty, he's not going to want to return their anytime soon. So, I was thinking that JAMES tries to... dunno how to describe it without it sounding so wrong... OK. I don't mean this in any 'wrong' way. James tries to have fun with her and sort of seem to be 'that-dude-who-is-so-much-cooler-and-is-always-there'
    I should probably say that James was going to ask her out the day before the disco-thingy.
    Anyway, I was thinking that Omar's Dad would let them have beach day on his hotels beach, so Omar suggests that James and Lauren go on a speed boat with a big ring and they hold onto it while the speed boat spins around and goes really fast. Then Lauren (for reason X) could fall off but James doesn't notice until he comes on the beach (Mustafa then kidnaps Lauren.)

    I don't know how it'll work though. If you guys have an idea, that'd be awesome! (Lauren HAS to disappear in the water some how.) I don't think Lauren falling off the cliff works. Oh and James wants Lauren to go out with him so that Lauren says it herself that she doesn't want to be Liam's girlfriend any more. He's doing it subtly so that he can remain friends with Liam and technically not ruin their relationship because SHE said it.

    Wow. Just reading that makes this sound like some sort of stupid teen romance about 'teenagers life' where everything is blown up and makes it sound so dumb. I guess it's necessary because that's what a lot of people do, but....

    Merci!
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    Emma

    Posts : 216
    Join date : 2011-08-03
    Age : 24
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Plot help - Spoilers inside

    Post by Emma on Mon Sep 19, 2011 9:48 pm

    I think it needs to be some kind of activity where they are out of eye contact for a period of time. The boating idea seems a bit unlikely in that regard, especially because James would probably be looking back a bit at Lauren to check that he was impressing her enough. I can't quite seem to believe that he would just not notice her falling out of the boat and then not hear her yells.

    Unfortunately, I'm able to come up with a perfect solution.

    Windsurfing, potentially? Maybe Lauren goes around to the other side of a cliff while windsurfing and James loses sight of her for a few minutes (he'd be busy trying to stay upright anyway). During this time, Lauren falls off and her windsurfing thing gets ripped...somehow. So she begins to swim back and then bad stuff happens...

    I have no idea if this is even plausible (ie. is it safe for windsurfers to windsurf near cliffs? can the kite thing be ripped that easily?), but it's all I've got for the moment.
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    Mac
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    Re: Plot help - Spoilers inside

    Post by Mac on Mon Sep 19, 2011 10:26 pm

    I agree, I thought it'd be rather unlikely too. Although her yells might be covered by the sound of the speed boat - I did the thing with the boat and it was so loud when I was on holiday - it's not likely, you're right XD

    Emma, you are awesome XD I really like that idea. I'll have to adapt it a little, but it's very good. I love the idea of James messing up XD No character deserves it OK. Not even Liam. (Being the MC does not mean he can have it easy.) Or Mac - where my nickname comes from. 50% of people call me out now although he was a Gary Stu.

    Does the whole romance thing sound like those dodgy plots (LOL they're not dodgy but they're irritating) on Yahoo Answers where a teen wants a plot/asks about what they think of a plot and then it has something to do with bullies, X wants Y's Boyfriend/Girlfriend, lessons and whatever?

    If anyone else has any ideas, I'd be grateful too Very Happy
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    Mac
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    Re: Plot help - Spoilers inside

    Post by Mac on Mon Sep 19, 2011 10:31 pm

    Hmm... if they go kite surfing, maybe Lauren's kite gets tangled and she falls off. James' one can go out of control (hehehehehehehe!) maybe... I'm not sure about the latter. Maybe a strong gust of wind? :S
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    Emma

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    Age : 24
    Location : Scotland

    Re: Plot help - Spoilers inside

    Post by Emma on Thu Sep 22, 2011 12:36 am

    Emma, you are awesome XD

    Cool Why thank you!

    Does the whole romance thing sound like those dodgy plots (LOL they're not dodgy but they're irritating) on Yahoo Answers where a teen wants a plot/asks about what they think of a plot and then it has something to do with bullies, X wants Y's Boyfriend/Girlfriend, lessons and whatever?

    No, no. It sounds fine to me as long as it remains a subplot and doesn't begin to take over the whole story line.


    Hmm... if they go kite surfing, maybe Lauren's kite gets tangled and she falls off. James' one can go out of control (hehehehehehehe!) maybe... I'm not sure about the latter. Maybe a strong gust of wind? :S

    Yeah! That sounds good Smile

    Tell me how it's working out once you've written it Very Happy

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